God, this night I felt very nervous, dropped, upset and lost my mind. My brain stopped thinking. I don't know the cause, what I know today I should be happy because there was no one thing that makes me feel lost happiness. God, for anything, I felt I was not useful either for myself or others. I was born for what? My sins are so many. any sophisticated calculators may not be able to count how many sins I have ever done. I know it's boring. but I know that you never feel bored when thy servant want to beg Your forgiveness. These days I feel so contemptible and dirty in front of you. God, please always protect me from all the things that allows me to make mistakes. God, I feel so lonely tonight. like the stars and the moon not turn up for a moment with me. or maybe they are afraid of me?God, what should I do when I'm feel soooo empty like this? Crying? I'm tired of it. Disrupt the self? I don't want to "broke" for the second time. God, I want to cleanse my soul. Please enlightened my path. Amin
I pray, tonight.
